Some musings for you on this fine (v. warm) Friday. I’ll start it with a tiny notion that I’ve been mulling over recently:
Overcompensating is a form of betting against ourselves.
We’re alllll guilty of this.
Think back to when you last overcompensated for something. It could be in any area of your life. Something like…
Forgetting your friend’s birthday and feeling guilty, so you bought two front row tickets to a concert that cost way too much and is most definitely going to live on your credit card for the next few months, but hopefully she/he enjoys it. 🙃
(most friends will be happy if you’re just honest about time being a weird vortex and apologizing for forgetting.)
Not feeling worthy of your pricing, so when you deliver something, you go above and beyond what’s actually in your contracts so they ~feel the value~ or reducing your price but promising the same amount of work. <— yes, this second one is a form of overcompensation too.
(this is a biggie that I love helping people worth through. Because if you keep overcompensating, that’s the bar you set. Which creates an unrealistic level to continue delivering at if you want to maintain some semblance of mental health/balance/sustainability. Anyway, I digress.)
Taking your good boy for a walk in the morning but having to cut it short for a call, so you give him 7 treats when you get back home because of course he knows he missed an extra 10 minutes of walk time. 🐶
(your good boy will love you unconditionally regardless of whether or not you give him those extra treats.)
Wanting someone to value/like you so much that when they ask for help on something, you offer to do the whole thing.
(they might have issues saying no to things, so then not only are you overcompensating because you don’t feel helpful enough with the one simple thing they want, but they might be in a position where they feel shitty saying no, so they let you do it, but aren’t happy with it and redo it anyway)
Overcompensating can stem from a lot of things like people pleasing, guilt, doubt, not feeling worthy of something, confidence/self-esteem issues and so on. Hell, even me continuing to add examples to this email was me overcompensating because I felt like I wasn’t giving enough of them.
Every time we overcompensate, we’re betting against ourselves. We’re betting against the idea that we’re a competent, confident, valuable, smart, worthy human. We’re giving away our power out of fear, guilt, doubt, wanting to be liked, not wanting to let someone down, not feeling good enough, etc.
Next time you find yourself overcompensating, , take a sec to think through why that is — there’s always a reason. When you start really digging into the “why” behind it, you may discover some unresolved issue that you can spend time working through so you can get back to betting on yourself again.
Say it with me: I’m betting on myself. 🎉
cheers to making tiny bets.
tiny bets are all the small things you do that stack up over time to craft a reality you love. These memos are a mix of woo, science, philosophy, and thought experiments to help you feel inspired to show up for yourself and your work daily.
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