tiny bets no. 04 - on spiders & bees
Does fear take away our ability to experience awe-inspiring moments, and curiosity?
Cold open: I'm petrified of bees and spiders -- or rather, I used to be.
If I were to guess, this fear runs all the way back to a brief few years growing up. I had to have been 5-7 years old when these small (but apparently significant) events happened that altered my psyche into adulthood.
The TLDR; on these moments is:
One time, I was playing in front my yard barefoot (per usual -- barefoot is still my preferred modus operandi) and stepped on a bee. It was then that I realized I swell up a lot when stung and also it was uncomfortable af. New fear? ✅
Another time, I was helping to get the mail from the mailbox and there was a black widow chillin' in the back that probably could have attacked our hands when reaching in there. Another new fear? ✅
For years (like, up until the last year or two. lulz) I was terrified of both of these creatures. I couldn't control my reactions.
One time I actually threw a sandwich up in the air in the woods much to the horror and amusement of my friends because of a bee flying too close. Bye, lunch.
Spiders? Forget about it. Jump. Run. Scream. Tantrum. But ultimately DEAD ON SIGHT (It was usually my partner who had to kill them).
*sigh* so tiring and boring.
At some point I started asking myself what is *really* the worse that can happen here? Is being afraid of these things worth the unsettled feeling and stress they cause me?
After a particularly embarrassing moment while out to eat, I got sick of my own shit and declared that I was no longer afraid of bees. That's it. Done.
As for our 8 legged spider friends? There are so many in this house because of the area I moved to last year, so I had no choice but to get over my fear. Also done. GOODBYE.
Now I look at both of these creatures with fascination; watching bees pollinate colorful flowers and spiders weave their intricate webs with true curiosity. It's kinda rad how nature can do all these things isn't it?
And I missed it all because I was busy thinking I would get murdered by one or both of them.
Too busy letting fear override my curiosity and taking away an experience I could have.
Too busy with fear to acknowledge how little that fear served me. How ridiculous and unneeded it was.
So here's something for you to try. Take a bit of mental inventory: Are there fears you're holding onto from the past that may be blocking you from seeing something beautiful and gaining a new perspective? Even something tiny? Especially something tiny?
What are the "spiders and bees" in your life?
I bet you're brave enough to peel away that layer of fear.
(side note: I recently found a TikTok account for a girl who has jumping spiders. They're so freaking adorable. Seriously, take a look.)
'Til next time!
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